5 things you should never say to a Stay-at-home-Mom

When people hear the title Stay At Home Mom (dad/parent/grandparent, etc..I just say Mom because that’s what I answer to), some of them immediately think we have it super easy.  I mean, after all, we don’t have a boss we answer to just a 2 and 5-year-old and we don’t have to wake up super early for a job we just never sleep. What more could you ask for? I can understand why you might think that, if you have never been a stay at home mom, don’t have kids and/or have never spent significant time with children. However, for the rest of the people out there, my response is, “You’ve got to be kiddin’ me, right?”. In my 4 years of being a stay-at-home-mom, I have heard countless remarks and comments regarding my job. These are the ones that stand out to me the most.

Mom and sons swinging on hammock


what stay-at-home-moms are sick of hearing…

  • You are so lucky, I would love to not work – While it was my families decision for me to quit my previous job to pursue my new career as a SAHM, some moms aren’t so lucky and don’t have a choice. Yes, I do consider myself lucky to be at home with my kids every day. I don’t have to miss any “first” and I don’t have to count on anyone else to raise my children. With that being said, I also don’t get a lunch break, paid time off, overtime pay, or a break (most days), etc.  I never clock out. I am up early with the kids, up late with housework, and up in the night with mommy duties. If I am sick, tough nuggets, I still have to feed and handle my kids. My job is 24/7 and doesn’t come without financial sacrifices.
  • But you will return to work when your kids are in school, right? – I mean is that in the unwritten rule book somewhere? I didn’t know I ever left “work”?  If I find myself wanting to get a job when my kids are in school, then sure I will pursue that, but who knows? My youngest is just TWO, so I have some time before I have to cross that bridge. What is your five-year plan? What are you going to do when you get tired of your job? Oh, not so cool when the tables are turned, right? I realize not everyone means for it to come across that way, but some people DO. Rest assured, I won’t be scheduling Spa Days and Shopping Sprees when they go back to school. What I do intend to do is the laundry…at an earlier hour than midnight (fingers crossed).
  • I could never stay home all day, I would be so boredHAH! My job is the furthest thing from boring. Its one of the more exciting jobs out there due to the fact that every day is unpredictable. Some days I’m playing teacher all day, other days I’m playing nurse all day, and sometimes I just lay on the floor as a stand-in jungle gym. Regardless of the hat that I am wearing that day, it’s definitely not boring. Isolating and lonely at times? Yes. Boring? No way.
  • You need to go back to work – Again, I didn’t realize I had left. This one is my personal favorite because 100% of the time it comes from the mouth of someone that is not paying my bills, not raising my children, not sleeping next to me and not contributing to any of the housework. So tell me again what I should do with my life? I can’t tell you how many people have said that in response to me starting a blog. Since when did having an outlet and/or a hobby as a SAHM become forbidden?
  • Enjoy every minute – Really? Every minute? Even the one where Nolan is wiping poop on the bedroom door or Dane is vacuuming up the cord on the blinds? Oh, or the minute that you are waiting for the dryer to finish and the sound is lulling you to sleep because you are THAT tired. This is a sweet sentiment, but you don’t have to enjoy every moment. That’s crazy talk. This statement does remind me to enjoy the moment (the sweet ones at least). The ones where my kids are loving on me, snuggling with me, telling me how much they love me, playing together, being kind to others, using their manners, drawing me pictures, being kids, etc. It does remind me that these times will pass quickly and while that one minute that I cleaned loads of poop off the wall was horrid, the others are worth every dime I’m not making at a “real” job.
mom and kids riding a power wheels

just because I stay home with my children, doesnt mean I have it easy

As a Mom (in general), our workloads are huge and often times they are made bigger by our “little helpers”. So what should you say when someone mentions being a SAHM/Dad? First, make no assumptions, then “Thats interesting, do you enjoy it?” seems pretty safe.

Has someone said something like this to you? Or are you guilty of saying these things to someone? (don’t worry, we’ve all been there at some point or another). Leave your experience in the comments below!

(PSA: This article is in no way meant to downplay the working mom/dad/parent. Every parent has very real and separate struggles, working or not. )


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22 thoughts on “5 things you should never say to a Stay-at-home-Mom

  1. THIS. IS. SO. PERFECT. I have been a SAHM since I had my first baby, and here I am 20 years later, with my youngest almost 14. I do have some “side gigs” at the moment that are very flexible, but every single time I think about getting an inflexible job, even part-time, one of my kids needs me for something. They want to go out to lunch and just talk, they are getting an award at school, they get sick, whatever. Momming is a FULL-TIME JOB, period. You never leave it behind. You’re on call 24-7, on weekends and holidays and vacations. You’ve said it all perfectly! 🙂 #wanderingwednesday

  2. So very true! I like striking up conversations with moms about our SAHM careers. I’ve never said these things to other people. I have had someone tell me, “I wish I didn’t have to work.” But, I really didn’t think anything of it. I think most people generally consider a “job” one that pays you money and provides benefits outside of a home. I try not to be offended by the things people say. I think most people are just trying to have a conversation and don’t think that they’re going to offend by saying something like that. Great words! You’re helping to create an awareness that most people don’t understand.

    1. I agree I don’t think anyone goes into it meaning to offend, they just don’t know or realize how often we hear these words. I will say, for all the times I have heard the above phrases, I have heard “you’re doing awesome” or “you’re a great Mom” just as much. So I think people are becoming more aware of these things nowadays. Thanks for reading! <3

  3. Here Here Mama! I was a stay at home Mom for 5 years. I can say that working full time is far easier than being home with 2 babies all day long. It’s not easy! These people that say these things have no idea!
    Keep doing you, mama. The only opinions that matter are that of yourself and your husband <3

  4. I’m a work-at-home mom, not a stay-at-home mom, but I still get a lot of these same comments because people don’t realize I have a career. Very frustrating!

    All 3 of my kids are in school this year, but I used to do conference calls with my youngest two climbing all over me. I’m thankful I could do this, but it was still stressful. I was (and still am) a single mom, so I worked from home out of necessity. Daycare was $1000 a month PER CHILD. I don’t know how anyone affords that because I sure couldn’t.

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