I’ve always had plenty to say (those of you that know me well know that). I’m often saying things that surprise or shock me, both before children and after children. However, there are just some things I never dreamed I would say. What I’m referring to is that weird stuff we have to say in response to the actions of our children.
- “Get your toes out of your ketchup.” I mention this in my Boy Mom Experience’s post. I’ll never forget looking up and seeing Dane dipping his toes into his ketchup. I was pretty impressed that he could do that without making a giant mess.
- “Your weiner will not get away if you take your hand off of it.” For whatever reason, Dane had to hold on to his weiner 24/7 when he was younger. I finally told him one day, “you know it’s not going anywhere, it will still be there tomorrow whether you hang on to it or not.” He looked relieved after I said that, but he still hangs on to it sometimes as if it’s going to make a run for it.
- “Nope, Mommy doesn’t have a weiner.” For about a month straight, Dane asked me every time I went to the bathroom where my weiner was. I kept telling him, “Mommy’s don’t have weiners. Only boys have weiners.” But its like it went in one ear and right out the other because he continued to ask me every day. I finally got to the point where I just responded, “I still don’t have a weiner, Dane.”
- “Quit picking your boogers and wiping them on your dresser.” I went to Dane’s room to dust his dresser one day and saw what looked like smear marks across the front of his dresser. After about 1.3 seconds I knew exactly what that was. Dane had been picking boogers and wiping them on the dresser. The dresser that has a box of tissues sitting on it. What the actual
shit, ahem heck. That’s when we implemented the Austin Powers saying, “if you have an issue, here’s a tissue.” Because it’s more fun to put your boogers in a tissue when you have a funny saying.
(Bonus booger moment: One time I asked Dane to hold my hand while we were walking in a parking lot. He said, “this time Mom, I think I want to hold your left hand.” I responded, “Why do you have a booger on your other hand?” to which he responded, “HOW DID YOU KNOW?!”. Gross.)
- “Is that poop?” Ok so maybe this one was more wishful thinking. I wish I never had to say this. Unfortunately, I’ve had to say this many times and nearly every time it’s actually been poop! Poop in the bathroom sink. Poop in the tub. Oh, poop on your bedroom door (Nolan, I’m looking at you on this one!). You name it and its likely had poop on it at some point or another. That’s just life with boys. Lucky for everyone, I’m a cleaning machine and a little poop won’t scare me.
Being a mother is one of the most rewarding things in the world but it can also be one of the most challenging.
Right now you’re probably compiling your own mental list of weird things you’ve said to your kids because you can 100% relate or you think I’m crazy because your child is either a baby or perfect. If your child is a baby then save this post so you can return to it in a
few years year and reassure yourself that you’re not alone. You’re Welcome.
If your child is perfect….well
give it time that’s nice.
(I just noticed most of these are things Dane has done/said, that’s because, by the time Nolan was old enough to pull these kinds of stunts, nothing surprised me anymore. I was not as shocked by the weird stuff I had to say back to Nolan because I had probably said it to his brother already.)
Come on Mom’s, reassure me that I’m not crazy. If you’ve had to tell your kids something off the wall that you would have never imagined pre-children, leave it in the comments below!! <3