What Not to Say to the Working Mom from a SAHM Standpoint

Last week I did a post called “5 things you should never say to a SAHM”. As a Stay-at-home-mom that was a pretty easy post for me to write. One that didn’t require too much thought because I hear those unsolicited opinions pretty often. After that post, I started thinking back 4 years ago to when I was a working mom and the things people said to me then. Having experienced motherhood from both sides, I understand the challenges each set of circumstances presents. Neither situation is easy, and insensitive comments can make things even harder. So without further ado…

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things you shouldn’t say to a working mom…

  • “I’m not used to driving in rush hour, this sucks!”: Sadly, this was THOUGHT by your’s truly, JUST LAST WEEK. Thankfully, it was just a thought, but immediately following that thought was…..ohhhh, I better not ever repeat that aloud to any of my working mom friends”. Then a lightbulb moment, “BINGO, that’s what I will blog about next week!”. Back to the topic at hand, don’t say that to your working mom peeps. Traffic and rush hour suck, I had forgotten that but that doesn’t mean we need to unknowingly rub it in. Its already bad enough they have to be apart of that every day.
  • “I could never let someone else raise my kids”: This one makes my blood boil. There was a time when me staying home with my children wasn’t an option and this comment would have devastated me. Majority of moms don’t WANT to send their kids to a daycare provider for 12 hours a day, 5 days a week. Unfortunately, that isn’t always an option. So mums the word, you likely don’t know their situation and the hurt they may be feeling. In addition, just because they send their kids to daycare doesn’t mean they aren’t raising their children. The daycare provider/teacher isn’t attending parent-teacher conferences, birthday parties, doing homework, scheduling doctor appointments, and arranging play dates or TUCKING THEM IN BED EVERY NIGHT. They are still very much raising their children.
  • “Good for you, putting your career first!”: Because I’m sure they wake up every morning and say “The most important thing in my life is my career/job, my family has nothing to do with why I go to work every day.” Enough said.

may I remind you that parenting isn’t ever easy…

  • “Can’t you afford to stay home?”: REALLY?! Let’s assume for a second that I cant, where does this conversation go now?  Hard left down Awkward lane. Don’t say that to a working mom or to any mom for that matter, unless they are closely related to or ARE the Kardashians. That would be about the only time that question would be acceptable.
  • “I’d miss my child too much to be away from him all day”: Yeah, I know and I do. You get over it BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO!
  • Aren’t you bummed you have to miss (insert IMPORTANT school EVENT/party/track meet/sports game here)Ahhhh yes, thanks for reminding me that I had to miss that event because I was in a mandatory work meeting. Working moms have just as many special moments with their kids as a stay at home parent. Reminding them of that they missed is so unnecessary.
  • “I feel it’s the mom’s job to be at home with the children.”: Ummmmmmm, did you just climb out from under a rock. It’s Twenty Eighteen! I am blessed to have the choice to stay at home or work.  Some choose to balance their life with work in it.  And if their husband supports that then who are you to say any different. (insert Mic Drop here.)
From a 9-5 desk job to THIS! <3

I’m not with the working mom VS SAHM bull jive. I’m just pro-mom. We’re all struggling to keep our little humans happy and make them the best people they can be in an already tough world. Parenting isn’t easy, EVER.  Whether you work or stay home with your children, makes no difference to me. If you find yourself on the receiving end of these, just remember you’re doing what’s right for you. Don’t let the judgement get to you. <3

What is the most shocking unsolicited opinion you have ever received regarding your career decision?

Drop it in the comments below!

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10 thoughts on “What Not to Say to the Working Mom from a SAHM Standpoint

  1. I’ve been on BOTH ends of the issue, and you literally cannot win. This is why Tribes are super important because then you at least feel supported, no matter your choice.

  2. I have a family member that insists that I need to work. I have stayed home with my kiddos because that is what my husband I feel is best for our family. Don’t go and tell a mom that they need to go and drive a bus and buckle their kids in with them on the job so that they can work. Not for me, thank you very much. Just because you did it back 20 something years ago doesn’t mean I have to do it. I can totally relate to this post on so many levels!

    Great post! Thanks for joining #WanderingWednesday! 🙂

    1. Thank you for reading! I wish more people understood that career decisions is a family/personal decision and not something for anyone else to be concerned with. <3

  3. I will say as a mom that lived both sides, we all love our children and that’s why we wake up to work or wake up to work. I think different children need different things, some need early outside influence, (mothers day out) and others would completely shut down. So even as a SAHM you have to decide if you being home is best for them. Something l listened to was why if you’re not working is Name 1 going to”school” well Name 1 needs it, Name 2 would not be alright with it. Random mom thought. (Mine are not little anymore)

    1. I totally agree! Dane goes to MDO 2 days a week because he NEEDED more social interaction and that also gives Nolan a little one on one time with me. <3

  4. I really haven’t had anyone say anything really stupid to me…yet. I have twins, so I get a lot of OH WOW! How do you do that? It seems that having more than one child at a time distracts them from the fact that you’re not working, at least for the length of the conversation.
    I do get real annoyed when people ask me “How do you do it?” and actually want an answer because like…I don’t have a choice? What am I going to do? Tell Twin A that I’m only taking care of Twin B today, he needs to stay in his crib and maybe I’ll toss a couple Goldfish his way every couple hours? Such a silly question. It’s like anything else. You just figure out a way and HANDLE.IT.

  5. I’m a working mum as my mortgage provider needs 2 incomes (And also it’s great to not to have to avoid stepping on Lego all day). I hear a lot of ‘Full time Mum’ in reference to SAHM’s. Just because I work doesn’t mean I’m not a mum during work hours. I still worry and think about missing out. Your post really struck a chord.

  6. This is so thoughtful of you. It’s amazing what people will say sometimes, no matter how well-intentioned the sentiment. Thank you for reminding us all to be more mindful of what we say to hardworking moms everywhere.

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